


Goes with the Territory

by cruelest_month



Series: Eddie and The Joker [3]
Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Watchmen - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Bad Decisions, Crossover Pairings, M/M, Wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-18
Updated: 2012-02-18
Packaged: 2017-10-31 10:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/342754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cruelest_month/pseuds/cruelest_month
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Comedian meets the Batman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goes with the Territory

He doesn't mind talking to the Batman all that much at first. The guy's too green to figure out that Eddie's fucking the Joker, but it irks Eddie that the guy thinks he can tell him what to do. 

The fight goes on longer than Eddie would have expected and while his fingers twitch even now and then for one of his guns, he knows there's no way he can get rid of Batman. Not yet. 

He knows plenty of other moves though. Eddie lands the first punch and most of the other ones after that, shoulders sagging a little as the Batman finally stays down. He kicks the other man in the ribs for good measure and wonders what sort of pathetic pretty boy lurks under the mask.

When he’s satisfied, Eddie wipes his hand on his leg and wishes he'd drawn more blood. He takes out his Zippo and a cigar. Lips curving into a small smile, he watches as Batman slowly rises as he flicks a finger over the thumbwheel. "You might want to watch what you say to me, kid, and you might want to look at a map. Figure out what's yours and what isn't."

There's a whoosh of the cape and Eddie just looks unimpressed. He wishes he'd stuck his foot into the other man's windpipe. "Fuck you," he growls out, setting the end of his cigar ablaze. “This is windproof.”

"Gotham City is—"

So much nagging and for what? "Honey, get off my back. I don’t want to fight with you. I don't want any part of your city. I can't help it if I live nearby."

"Then stop interfering."

"How is it interfering? If your bad guys leave town, they become my problem. They become everyone's problem," is Eddie's flippant response. "In the mean time, do something about your throat. Gargle some saltwater." He gets that the man has an identity to hide, but back in the old days they managed that just fine without sounding brain-damaged.

Batman sighs, shaking his head and wandering over to the edge of the building. He leans forward with his foot on the edge of the building looking like a gargoyle. A gargoyle with a busted nose. 

Eddie feels vaguely proud of himself, and makes no effort not to look it when the other man glances back after staring up at the sky. Someone’s turned on a Bat-signal. Doesn’t matter who it is. Like a dumb dog, Batman’s got to go and heed his summons. In the old days, heroes took order from people who mattered. 

Batman just says "This isn't over" before jumping off.

"Cute," the Comedian mutters. "If I had a nickel for every time I hear that..." 

He doesn't care enough to glance over the edge. He doesn't give a shit whether the guy flies right or plummets straight down. It's all the same after awhile.

The cigar’s not even halfway used up and he’s not wasting it, so Eddie stays there and smokes for a bit before heading into the abandoned building. As if he needs a newbie telling him what to do. If he needs a lecture, he can call up plenty of other useless superheroes. 

-

"You get put back in Arkham, and I'm not bailing you out." 

This is after they have sex twice. 

The Comedian comes back from his moonlight chat with Batman to find the Joker sleeping on his couch. He doesn’t even really pause to wake him up just strips the other man efficiently and at some point the clown’s eyes open. He isn’t surprised or even startled. The Joker simply yawns and laughs a bit before kissing him.

Eddie doesn’t even shed most of his own costume. He just fucks him right up against the wall and then again on the couch. 

The Joker grins widely afterwards, and waits like some sort of benevolent king for more information as Eddie peels off his mask. He has an appropriately long chuckle when he hears about the conversation. He doesn't take anything seriously so he looks amused at the prospect of Eddie leaving him to rot, which Eddie is perfectly willing to do except, of course, that he isn't.

"I mean it," the Comedian repeats, zipping up his fly, refastening his belt, and getting to his feet. "No grenades or smoke bombs. Not a knife. Not even a phone call.” 

The Joker shrugs, walking a few fingers over the back of the couch before hopping up to his feet. “What about a file baked into a cake?”

“Fuck no. Next time you're stupid enough to get caught, they can ship your ass off to some village in Peru for all I care."

"Now really, Mr. Blake," he murmurs, wandering over and putting his hands all over Eddie's chest before resting them on his belt. As always he's unhelpful and as clingy as a lamprey. "Is my fault you didn't finish him off?"

Eddie grunts. He doesn't bother saying he's on Batman's side because he isn't. He doesn't care if Gotham burns down to the ground or flourishes for the next hundred years.

The Joker's hands eventually undo the clasp, and in a rare moment of usefulness, he starts dealing with the other straps in his way. "Did you enjoy it at least? Did you savor every single second of… discomfort?" 

His hands move faster as he asks questions and eventually there's nothing in the way of his fingers. He wraps them around Eddie's cock and strokes languidly as he draws out every word. "How many times did you hit him? What kind of weapons? How did he look afterwards? A mess? Was there blood?”

“Maybe four times. Bare hands. Might have broke his nose," he admits with a smirk. 

The Joker bites at Eddie’s neck and groans quietly, fingers tightening then moving somewhat faster. “Very nice. Next time, I want to watch.”

He eyes the Joker thoughtfully before rolling his eyes. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Oh, this and that. I’m a fan of _this_ myself. Do you have a preference?"

"Aren't you supposed to tell me to leave Batman alone?"

"No, I don't think so. Let’s share Batman," the Joker decides. 

He doesn't bother pointing out that he has no plans to kill Batman. He lets the Joker make little plans of his own, and even listens to them as the Joker traces little shapes all over his arms. 

This is after they've fucked a few more times. This is around the time Eddie just wants to smoke, but he nods as he lights up and offers some input in between kisses. He can afford to be tolerant. He has no one else who would approve of or understand how pleasant a victory it would be to hear Batman’s cartilage crack under his gloved hands. And beating up Gotham's caped crusader has been the highlight of his otherwise uneventful week.


End file.
